6 months after my breakup, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel anymore

​

It's been around six months since my breakup, and honestly, I don't know what I'm feeling anymore.

Things had actually started fading toward the last year of our relationship, at least from my perspective. I could feel that something was different, but she never really confronted me about what she was feeling. Whenever I felt like she wasn't giving our relationship enough time or attention, I would tell her that she wasn't giving us enough time, and she said we'd talk about taking a break or creating some space. But I never knew that, underneath all of that, her romantic feelings for me were actually fading.

Toward the end of that year, I tried calling her, but the response felt quite cold. At the time, I didn't understand what was really happening. Eventually, when I finally confronted her about it, she told me that she didn't have the same romantic feelings for me that she used to. And the rest is history.

Eventually, she left for a new job, and we stopped talking.

Then, after around 50 days of no contact, she randomly called me because she missed me. I don't know why, but I was terrified to answer the call. Part of me didn't want to pick up, but somehow I did. We talked, and for the next couple of days I was emotionally all over the place. Eventually, I decided that I needed to create some distance, so I told her that I wouldn't keep talking to her and that I wouldn't call her anymore.

And now I don't know whether I did the right thing or the wrong thing.

I keep thinking about that decision. Maybe I should have talked to her. Maybe I should have stayed. Maybe I should have let things happen naturally. I don't know. But at that point, 50 days felt like an incredibly long time, and every single day had already felt heavy.

The strange thing is that now I don't even feel much anymore. I just feel numb.

I don't have a job right now. I'm studying, but studying alone has become extremely difficult. I can't seem to concentrate properly, and I feel like I'm not really getting anything done. My days just pass, and I keep feeling like I'm falling behind in every part of my life.

Most of the day I randomly start crying. I can't sleep properly at night. I overthink everything. I've tried distracting myself, studying, staying busy, giving myself time, and so many other things, but nothing seems to be working.

And somewhere underneath all of this, I think the breakup has made me question my own worth.

I keep feeling like I'm not good enough, like I'm not useful, like I'm somehow a person who wasn't worth staying for. I know logically that someone's feelings changing doesn't necessarily mean I'm worthless, but emotionally I can't seem to believe that right now.

I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe I just want to know if anyone else has gone through this phase where you don't feel heartbreak anymore—you just feel completely empty.

Six months have passed, and I thought I'd be doing better by now. Instead, I feel like I've reached a point where I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

If you've been through something similar, what actually helped you get out of this numb, directionless phase?

I don't need someone to tell me to "just move on." I genuinely want to understand how people rebuild themselves when they feel like they've lost both the relationship and a part of their own identity along with it.