Constant judgements are insane, I would rather be gone missing!

I wouldn't say I am the best, I am not and that's alright because I am better socially, musically & linguistically. My parent & family ignores this as if I am not part of me. I am constantly pressured to better at things I don't even life, analytical & logical skills, which I am naturally bad at. I always was gud with perception, perspective and thinking. I always showed the best of me and yet they have excuses.

My cousins are better at science, I am better at social science, linguistics and thinking. Because I am always pushed into something I don't like, I lost all my valuable skills that I naturally retain within me.

This cousin of me is very good at science, she's younger than me and she solves my grade questions with an ease. My mother said "I ruined her dreams"

the pressure comes upon me that I ruined my "my mother's image" as she is a single parent, how does her responsibility comes upon me to make her happy? Don't I have wishes?????

One of my cousin brother jokingly said "even if u don't want to be a doctor, we'll force upon you" so bluntly, I would have burst into tears.

I am currently doing senior secondary school with science as my stream (phy, chem, math, bio) AND THIS IS INSANE CUZ I NEVER ASKED FOR ANY OF IT!

This is insane for me, I am just so tired of everything, nothing seems right. I feel all my ability lost into abyss. Once a girl wrote poetry within 7mins on anything and now I can't even think of a word to begin with.

I AM JEALOUS OF EVERYONE WHO DOES THE THINGS THEY WANT, I DON'T WANT THIS FAMILY AND I HATE IT TO CORE! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE

I am still minor aka 16F and soon 18 but it's long run, I can't really do anything. My country is sooo ass, if I try running at the age 18, I'll prolly be trafficked.

This is insane.

PS : Sorry for any mistake you see. Long gone habit.