Being a "late bloomer" is so embarrasing. Having to "put your life together" when your are and adult is feels so embarrasing.

Not only I was adulterized at a young child and couldn't live my childhood, but I also wasn't granted a support network, therapy at that time so I had to survive all those years including my young adulthood. As and adult, I feel so ashamed, hurt and depressed. I always hated that idea, even when I was teenager. Why do I have to wait 14 years, 30 years, 20 years, 40 years so my life can supposedly "begin"? When I felt alive back THEN! I needed it back then. Nothing else will bring me back that. I don't want to "re-experience life" after all that horrible trauma.

I don't feel like a "proper" adult. And it's disturbing how I received so much praise for being "mature for your age" and being exposed to adult things no minor should be in. But as a adult, you only get shame and judgement. It sucks. I wonder what's like to feel like a well adjusted adult person. Instead I have to comfort myself all the time and reparent myself.

In general I'm just unsatisfied with life.