Two women were incredibly into me and our BDSM dynamic, then both pulled away immediately after. Should I be worried I’m doing something wrong?

This happened twice within roughly two months, and because the situations were strangely similar, I’ve started wondering whether there’s something I’m missing.

I met both women at clubs. I’ve met and hooked up with other women too, but with these two there was an unusually strong connection and chemistry almost immediately.

I’m naturally very dominant, and both of them were clearly submissive. We talked for quite a long time before anything happened. We had taken some things recreationally, but everything we did was consensual. Before getting into anything intense, we discussed boundaries, what we liked and didn’t like, hard limits, what turned us on, and established a safeword.

The first woman was extremely kinky and very into total submission. She specifically told me she loved facefucking, so that became a pretty big part of what we did, in several different ways. There was also mutual rimming and other things that were honestly more adventurous than what I had usually done before.

I loved it.

She came, seemed extremely happy afterward, and gave me an almost ridiculous amount of compliments both during and after sex. What stood out to me was that afterward she became very worried that I was going to ghost her. She kept asking whether I actually wanted to see her again, whether this had just been a one-night stand, etc.

I reassured her that I liked her and wanted to see her again.

Then the next day, she basically ghosted me.

The second woman was even more intense for me because sexually she felt almost like my ideal match.

She was a masochist and explicitly asked me to hit her. Normally hurting someone by itself does absolutely nothing for me, but seeing how much pleasure she got from it completely changed the experience. The more she enjoyed it and asked for more, the more intense I became, and she became more and more turned on by it.

The whole session lasted around three hours. By the end we were both drenched in sweat. I was completely overstimulated afterward, but also incredibly happy and fulfilled.

She seemed the same way.

She was red all over from the session, extremely affectionate, gave me an enormous amount of compliments, and even started saying things like she was already getting attached to me.

That part admittedly felt like a slight red flag considering we had literally just met.

I drove her home afterward, and she didn’t want to get out of my car. We sat there for another half an hour while I was eventually saying, basically, “You’re amazing and I love talking to you, but I really have to go.”

And again, exactly the same questions:

“Are you going to ghost me?” “Will you actually talk to me tomorrow?” “Are we going to see each other again?”

I was very clear with her. I told her that I’m not looking for a relationship right now, but that I thought she was an amazing person. I said I’d happily meet her again sexually, but that I’d also genuinely enjoy just getting coffee, having a beer or going somewhere together because I really liked talking to her and being around her.

Then the next day she became distant.

Two days later she finally told me that the whole experience had been too much for her and that she needed to slow down.

Maybe I made a mistake with what I said afterward, because I told her something along the lines of:

“I feel like there was a genuinely unusual connection between us. If even half of all the nice things you said to me were things you still feel while sober, I’d really like not to lose that. And if the sex was too much, we don’t have to do that again. I’d still like to know you.”

She read it and never replied.

I didn’t message her again after that.

What I’m struggling to understand is what exactly is happening psychologically in situations like this.

Is it shame afterward?

Sub-drop?

Regret because things became much more intense than they expected?

Do people sometimes say extremely affectionate things while they’re highly aroused and then feel uncomfortable about them afterward?

Could the intensity of submission itself make someone feel emotionally vulnerable enough that their instinct afterward is to run away from the person they experienced it with?

Or is there a possibility that I’m doing something wrong and simply not seeing it?

I’d especially be interested in hearing from submissive women, masochists, or anyone who has ever been on the other side of a situation like this.

Have you ever had an extremely intense consensual sexual experience with someone, felt incredibly connected and affectionate immediately afterward, worried that THEY would ghost you… and then ended up being the person who disappeared?

What was going through your head?

Part of why this bothers me is that I’m a very confident and naturally dominant person, but I’m also quite empathetic, and I don’t handle unexplained rejection particularly well. My instinct is to start analyzing everything and wondering what I did wrong instead of simply saying, “Okay, she changed her mind” and moving on.

I don’t really struggle to meet women or attract them, so this isn’t about being unable to find another hookup.

If anything, I think the problem might be that despite enjoying casual sex, I’m probably looking for something a little more meaningful than just having an intense night with someone and never seeing them again.

So I’d genuinely appreciate feedback from the other side.

Does this sound like a normal reaction to an extremely intense first BDSM experience with someone?

And is there anything I should be doing differently before, during, or especially after experiences like this?