two years ago i was diagnosed with my blood condition, my body can’t produce enough hemoglobin which causes me a lot of issues. i feel so sick all the time. still, i try my best, i fight as much as i physically can. but it’s never enough. i just lost my job, it was what i wanted to do for my forever career after working in film didn’t work out. all the people whose jobs i did get to stay, all the incompetent people who don’t care get to stay, the people who hit weed pens in the break room get to stay, but they let me go because i’m sick. i earned 5 recognitions from their stupid recognition program in one day, i have a tourism board award, but none of it matters. 

i’m tired of being sick. i’m only 24. i’m tired of waking up broken with weak muscles, nausea, migraines, fevers, and fatigue so bad no amount of sleep i get matters. i have no idea how i’m going to do this for 40 more years, i just want to die some days. i’ve been feeling so suicidal lately and losing one of my favourite places, my passion, kills me. i’m sick of being unreliable. i don’t want this life. i know i need to hit the ground running and find a new job, i know ending my life is irrational, but i just don’t care, and i hate that i don’t care. i just want to die. i’m only eating chicken tenders because it seemed like the easiest thing for my stomach right now, and it’s only going to make me feel worse. 

I just lost my dream job, I can’t stand having a chronic illness