Two days ago my mom called me to let me know my great grandma was admitted to the hospital for renal (kidney) failure. She was dehydrated and hadn’t eaten for a while. 

The plan was that she would go into hospice and go on dialysis. She’s in her early nineties so we knew it would be rough but I thought we would have more time.

Today I had another call with my mom. My great grandma was supposed to go in to hospice on Monday but it’s not looking good. They have switched her to comfort care and we are likely in the final stages now.

I video called my mom and my grandma for a while and my great grandma was sleeping the whole time, or at least not conscious. My mom left the call going while she and my grandma left the room to give me a few minutes to speak to my great grandma. I hope she could hear me. We’ve gotten closer in recent years and I am forever grateful that she was supportive, or at least respectful, of my transition after finding out two years ago, and I wanted to make sure she knew how much it meant to me. I live in a neighboring state with a 8ish hour drive. I leave in the morning and I hope I will get to see her but it’s not certain I will make it before she passes so I wanted to tell her all I could over the phone just in case.

The food is chicken tacos with white bean guacamole, pineapple peach salsa, and sour cream mixed with Greek yogurt. I had bought the ingredients yesterday and planned on cooking tonight. I don’t know when I’ll be back and even though I wasn’t as much in the mood for cooking I didn’t want them to go to waste. The process was soothing and it tastes good. Even that little positive helps me feel better.

My grandma is going to die this weekend