Bedtime/nap hugs as a stepmom

tldr : my partner is jealous because his kids want to hug me. The oldest wants to hug both, but he doesn’t want to hug him if he hugs me at the same time. The kid is 5 and I don’t want him to think that he has to choose between me and his dad. Idk what to do and I need someone opinion on the situation.

This is my second post about the bedtime routine.
I (27f) am a stepmom of two boys (5 and 2yo). Their dad (30m) is having a hard time with the fact that their kids want to hug me during bedtime.

The youngest (2yo) doesn’t want to hug his dad at all at night. He is very independent. He wants to hug me, and when I leave to hug his big brother, he doesn’t want hug from his dad. His dad, my partner, is jealous that he wants to hug me and not him.

For a while, I was pretending to go to bed early so I couldn’t do the bedtime routine with them, just to give their dad some alone time with his kids. The dad told me "I get why he wants to hug his mom over me, but you? It’s insulting that he wants to hug you over me" . I told him it’s not me over him, but at this age maybe he doesn’t understand that he can have hugs from both? And when I leave he just wants to be alone but it’s not against him. They play a lot together, he always wants to play with his dad during the day, but during calm times, I feel like he just prefers someone calmer…

I understand that it must hurt, but like some of you suggested, I told him that it’s good that he trust me and he should be proud of that instead of being mad at me. And I told him that I wont punish him for not wanting to hug dad and will continue to hug him. That being said, he accepts a little bit more that his 2 years olds doesn’t want dads hugs at bedtime.

I have a hard time accepting that he gets along well with his ex. He brings shirts from her at home and they stay on the couch or on our kitchen chairs or anywhere but always in my face. (Might have to do another post about that because I’m having a hard time understanding their relationship).

They often sleep with their shirts mom. The other day, they were missing their mom, so I brought them their mom shirt and hugged them and told them that their mom was good and that she was sleeping at her home, that they would see her tomorrow, I was asking them what they would like to do tomorrow with her and was talking positively about her and told them that they could hug her shirt if they missed her and that their dad was in the room next door and that he was there for them too.

I was talking highly of both parents, but I was really proud of myself for being able to go get her shirt and lay right next to it even if her clothes in my house bothers me, their kids comfort matters to me more then my jealousy. I thought my partner would be glad that I helped their child sleep well and that he would be glad to hear me talk positively about their mom and their dad while I was alone with them.

When I got out of the room, my partner was so mad at me, telling me I had no business doing that and that I should’ve let them keep crying for their mom for at least 10-15 minutes and they would end up falling asleep. He asked me what I don’t understand about that and because I’m not a mom I don’t know what I’m doing and I should’ve never done that.

Back to my original point. The oldest used to only want to hug me, but he finally understood that he can want to hug me AND want to hug his dad. He understood that we will both be able to hug him and that he doesn’t need to choose one adult over the other.

Today, me and his kids were sitting all 3 on the couch. Their kids were hugging me, almost asleep, while their dad was in the restroom. When he came back, he went at the other end of the couch and asked the youngest to go hug him. He told him no, he’s good there. I told him to come hug us and he didnt want, but kept asking the youngest to go with him. I told him to stop, that we were good and that he can come to us instead and we will all hug.

So he asked the oldest. The oldest told him to come sit with us instead and that he doesnt want to move, that he wants to be next to me, but also next to dad. Dad didn’t come, but stopped for a few minutes.

Oldest told him: dad if you want to hug me, you have to come next to me and stepmom too. I was so happy that he proposed that to his dad, and told him yes good idea. And dad was again, mad at me and told that he doesnt want to hug if I’m there too and never came to sit next to us.

(like?? Are you going to act like that in front of your 2 years old and 5 years old child?)

At night, the youngest wanted to hug his dad, and later the dad went and hugged the oldest. We were all four on the bed. We were placed in this order : 2years old, next to me, then 5years old, then dad.

The fan was making an annoying noise, so I got up to slow it down, and the second I got up, dad took my place in the middle.

The oldest wants to hug us both at the same time, but stills wants me to hug his little brother at the same time, so he told his dad that it was my place and to stay only with him (and to not go hug his little brother).

But my partner got so upset, he got up and told his kids (again, 2 and 5 years olds) that they win, they can hug me and that he will leave.

I tried to stop him and told him to stay with us, and he told me in front of them that he was getting sick of them wanting to hug me. I didn’t say anything and went back to his kids because again, their comfort is more important than ours in my opinion. His 5years old held my hand so thigh after that…

Anyway, all that being said, do you have any opinions on all of this? What can I do? I don’t think a communication about that with his dad is very possible without him getting upset with me and I won’t be writing to their mom about that because I know she’s not over him and she won’t want to talk to me anyway.