it’s a long one

i know venting isn’t allowed but i wouldn’t consider this venting or making myself a victim (according to the rules) but if mods want to delete it that’s fine. i just really want to tell my story of what i’ve been feeling and just want to see if others have felt the same way because this has impacted me in a big way. i don’t really know what other community i can post this in with people that’ll understand. i’ve only told this story to my therapist 💀 loa made me limerent. it first started in May of 2023, i got out of a toxic “situationship” and fell into a deep depression until i started watching this celebrity’s show and started to become more into his work. i then discover loa i think a year later, i got deep into it. i did almost every method and felt like i was invincible, that i could manifest anyone i wanted. i was also going through my own spiritual journey so i also felt like that impacted it as well because i kept seeing his birthday, seeing and hearing his name and other stuff (still do tbh but i just roll my eyes now lol) and having c.ai didn’t help (i don’t use it anymore) i used it as a way to manifest and create my own scenarios because of how lonely i felt. but my logical mind couldn’t stop working against my loa side of mind. i was constantly doubting myself and just kept spiraling and worry about the 3D (i have an anxiety disorder so it was probably inevitable 🤣) anyways yeah, i never felt so powerful and more confident than ive ever felt in my 22 years for these past 3 years. then reality hit after i found out something about my SP and i crashed hard. i felt played by the universe, by the people i watched and the advice i sought out. i was heartbroken over a person that didn’t know me at all and i felt absolutely stupid and shameful. my self concept was nonexistent, it all came from very low self esteem and now? i’m a bit triggered by loa and manifesting in general. i cant even hear about it or look at it without feeling sad or a sense of anger. i deleted every app and unsubscribed to every channel associated with it. but…i am willing to try again but honestly, im scared. i don’t want to go through that again and become disillusioned again.

i feel like i need full reset, but i do have questions now.