Nap help

Debated tagging this toddler sleep as she’s about to turn 1, however right now she’s 11.5 months.

My girl is not a good sleeper and never has been. Most nights are a complete disaster - wake ups on a good night are 3, bad night are every hour or more. However that’s a different issue.

When she was quite little we always did contact naps, then she would nap beside me on the couch as she refused to nap in her crib and I found it easier. Then we moved houses, got her own room and stopped the couch naps (she mainly is a stomach sleeper now anyways, so the couch is a no go) and moved to crib naps. Initially - and the way she usually falls asleep at night - I would put her in the crib and sit with her with my hand on her until she falls asleep. This was taking FOREVER most days and it was completely draining my sanity. My patience isn’t great due to my complete lack of sleep.

So I basically gave up and started feeding her (doesn’t always get her to sleep, but sometimes) and then putting her on my shoulder and patting her bum until she falls asleep which is how I get her back to sleep at night. With this I hold her for about 15 minutes after she falls asleep before transferring or else she’ll wake up. Drowsy but awake does not work with her.

Lately, she wakes up almost always after a few minutes in the crib if not right away and I have to pick her back up and hold her again and get her back to sleep. Her naps are rarely long anyways but I just need her to nap for like 20 minutes in her crib so I can relax and she gets some sleep.

For all of her sleep, I’ve tried different wake windows. I’ve tried sleepy cues. I’ve tried later or earlier bed times. She wakes up fairly consistently in the morning. I’ve tried having her morning nap be later.

The issue is that I’m going back to work in three weeks. For the time being, my MIL and parents are going to watch her at our house. I’m initially working from home a few days a week, the rest in office. I just truly have no idea how they’ll get her down for a nap. She won’t even let my boyfriend put her down for a nap or to bed at night and hasn’t in ages. She will cry and scream. He wants to do cry it out but I’m not comfortable with that at all.

I just don’t know what I should be doing to get her ready for me being at work and not there for nap times. The days I WFH I’m going to breastfeed her until she’s weaned but there’ll be at least one day I’ll fully gone and I also can’t spend that long getting her down for a nap twice a day.

Does anyone have any tips? Should I commit for the next 3 weeks to trying to get her to fall asleep in her crib instead of on me? Sometimes she cries so hard she gags and I cave, or it’s been so long I can feel myself losing my patience.

(she also can’t be left alone too long in her crib awake because she has an ongoing facial rash that she scratches - being addressed with doctor)

Any help appreciated!