Jealous and grieving my postpartum experience which was ruined by in-laws

I’ve posted in this sub before about how terrible my in-laws, particularly my MIL, treated me in the few days following the birth of my first baby. And they haven’t treated me any better since then. They were all my husband and I had for support, but managed to make my first two weeks with my newborn so stressful when they stayed with us, I have struggled to move past it since.

Post-birth I had to have surgery immediately with a third degree tear. I then had to do a minimum of six weeks of physio, with strict orders not to even walk further than my driveway and certainly no bending or chores. Doctors and nurses commented that I “may has well have had a c-section” and compared recovery times.

In-laws were aware of this and despite being told they were visiting to help cook, clean and do washing, they did nothing. My FIL drank himself under the table every day and my MIL refused to cook or clean after several days stating “she had done her time.”

Day 6 postpartum, my husband had to go into work for a few hours due to an emergency, giving his parents strict instructions to assist me with baby and make sure I had breakfast so I could take all of my prescriptions. They ignored this request and left the house before 7am to go have breakfast, leaving me for several hours by myself to do it alone. By the time I had gotten bub changed, fed and back to sleep I went to quickly make something to eat and found the kitchen in a state. My in-laws returned home with not even a coffee for me in hand and my MIL proceeded to talk about her (still unfinished) new home and construction while watching me clean the kitchen and load the dishwasher. She paused to ask “should you be doing that?” before continuing on about herself. We asked them to leave after this.

My BIL has just had a baby and his partner had a c-section. My MIL has travelled interstate to help with their newborn. On the phone the other day to my husband, she told him that she would be there “for at least 6 weeks” as that was the recommended recovery time for BIL’s partner. She explained she was up at 5am (“on the morning shift”) to take care of the new baby while BIL and partner slept and BILs partner “needed all of the support” as they were under strict instructions to take it easy.

I know it sounds bad, but I’d hoped she would have been a nightmare for my BIL and partner too and been sent home early, but by all accounts it sounds like she is actually being genuinely helpful and supportive if they have asked her to stay for at least 6 weeks? It’s made me really sad and questioned why we seemed to be the ones who had to suffer her and FILs ill behaviour during what was meant to be a really precious and sacred time for me. My mum died 8 years ago and I don’t have any family where I live, so it’s also brought up a lot about not having any of my family around to support me specifically, and I feel like I’m grieving a lot of robbed time and the ongoing lack of support we have received with our baby to-date (my son is now 15 months).

Anyone have any advice on how to push through this? It’s honestly made me despise the woman more and I don’t think I want to see her again and hear how amazing of a grandma she was for my BILs family. I’ll probably unload my vitriol on her. How do I navigate this?