Can’t stop self harming with online sex

I just need to get this out and hopefully get some advice. I’ve accepted recently after about 6 years of doctors telling me and referring me to trauma therapy that I have CPTSD- everyone in my life knows I’m a bit nuts but nobody really knows why. Im in my early 20s and started self harming when I was about 10, and recently I’ve been a lot better at not using my old methods. However I’ve replaced them with going online to be degraded and abused, sending photos and everything. I’m worried about this because I know it’s risky to send photos online and it always makes me feel like shit after. A lot of times I just can’t stop the impulse. Real sex is terrifying to me and not something I ever can be bothered trying to pursue, but I’m worried because I’ve developed this weird complex around it that it’s gonna affect my relationships, especially since I’m in a talking stage with someone I’m interested in at the minute. My last relationship I was too much in some ways- I wanted to be abused basically- but then too scared to have normal sex. I just want to cry but I can only ever cry when I’m at the cinema and I’m broke lol. I don’t know why I do this and it’s too embarrassing to tell a therapist. Idk what to do.