I feel like a mess

Idk why it feels like my best friend can do something and it will immediately shift my mood

They make me so happy i would do anything for them to be happy, i love and care about them more than everyone in the world, idont care what i have to do to keep them with me as long as im the one they care about most

But i realised that im the only one that cares, im not their number 1,im not special, im not their will to live, im not their motivation but they are everything to me

I dont need anything but them, its selfish but i want them all to myself but i know its wrong. I truly want them to be the happiest person ever but im not needed so if they dont want me i have no reason to keep living

I get jealous, i cut myself because of them, i cant do anything without them, they dont deserve to deal with someone like me

Im sorry for everything i have ever done to them that might have hurt them, i love them more than life it self but they can barely remember something about me, no matter how many times i repeat myself ill never truly be loved or understood, they just don't know how i feel.

Ill never be happy