Just Venting

You can look at my history 🫶 husband asked for a divorce out of nowhere last October, moved out in January. We started couples therapy. He moved back in, in May and back out in June. We have 1 child together and 2 he'd been a stay at home step dad to for 6 years. We were together for 8 total.

The venting:

He's just such a pos. I have been so kind. Patient. Understanding. For almost a year now. I've given him space, I've set up dates, I've shown up for him every time he's asked. He's been mean to me, degraded me, called me names, thrown my stuff, threatened me (financially), rejected me and our kid(s) repeatedly and I've never retaliated. I've never name called. I have never yelled. I have never been mean.

And yesterday I snapped. I needed help with the kids because of their sports schedules and he said no because he was playing video games with his brother. And I asked the next day if we could talk because he's only seen his son 3 times in 2 months and he hasn't seen my kids at all this year unless he's here for something else and he doesn't interact with them. I tried to kindly explain that he needs to try and show up more for our kid at the minimum. He's supposed to have him every other weekend but his brother is a registered sex offender so I won't agree to our son being there while he's there. That he can take our son to do an activity. Or do something in my home and I will go see friends. But because of that restriction he hasn't chosen to see him at all.

He immediately got angry. Told me he has no desire to speak to me, doesn't care if he hurts my feelings because he doesn't have it in him to care about my emotional or mental well being. And I snapped. I told him he's a shitty man and a shitty father and that I'm disgusted by his behavior. Etc.

I feel terrible because I never lash out. I never try and intentionally hurt his feelings but I am so tired. I'm tired of being walked on. Of being the punching bag and having to take all of the meanness and never react to it.

I don't know why he wants a divorce. I've done every single thing he's ever wanted. I supported the family while he went to school (I also got my masters while doing this). He wants vacations? I planned it. He wanted a new truck? I got it. He wanted to switch his major 5 times? I helped him research it and get into the correct classes. He wants to re join the military? I sat with recruiters and asked a million questions and supported him (he's out now). He wanted to start working in his field? I reached out to a friend and got him his job. I have bent over backwards for this man. I've given him every single thing he ever asked for. I complimented him daily, flirted, we had sex at least 3 times a week.

And his first time working he decides he doesn't need me anymore and leaves. He never mentioned anything I was doing that bothered him that I could change. And he still hasn't. He just says "I don't have a reason, I just don't really like you anymore " it's heartbreaking.

My feelings are hurt. I am tired. I never wanted this. I just needed to scream it into the void.