I Lost My Father, Then I Lost the Image I Had of Him

My father passed away three months ago, and it has been incredibly difficult for me. I still struggle to fully accept that he is gone, and I often avoid thinking about the funeral, memorials, and everything connected to his death.
Growing up, I saw my father as an authority figure. He was strong, masculine, intelligent, well-read, and very brave. He had been in several wars during his life. In my eyes, he was someone I deeply respected.
Financially, our family always seemed stable. My father always had money. Looking back, I realize that he mostly expressed his love through financial support rather than words. He was never very affectionate verbally, but I always felt that providing for us was his way of showing he cared.
After his death, I went to visit his parents to help them because they are elderly and mostly alone. I also thought it would be a chance for me to get away for a while and recover emotionally.
While staying with them, I learned things about my father that completely changed how I saw him.
It turned out that he had been deeply in debt multiple times throughout his life. He regularly borrowed money from his parents, his sister, and even other relatives. This wasn’t a one-time situation—it happened repeatedly over many years.
I also learned that when he was younger, he disappointed my grandfather many times. At one point, he even lost a car through gambling. His parents did everything they could for him and supported him for years.
Eventually, he left them behind and moved to another country, where he married my mother. What hurts me most is learning that after leaving, he never really helped his parents in return, despite everything they had done for him.
I feel hurt that I knew none of this while he was alive. I feel heartbroken for my grandparents. I feel disappointed and confused because the man I knew seems so different from the man they describe.
Now it feels like all of this has been dumped on me after his death. I’m grieving the loss of my father while also trying to process information that has completely changed my understanding of who he was.

Has anyone else experienced something similar after losing a parent? How do you cope with grieving someone while also feeling disappointed, betrayed, or conflicted about things you learned after they died?