I feel like I’ve lost hope that I will ever have a home that’s mine again.

When I first left home I fully supported myself. I had my own (extremely shitty) apartment, a job that paid me poverty wages (25k a year), and a car that passed inspection. But it was mine. Now, I feel like that baseline starting point is my pipe dream.

Currently, I work as a teacher and make okay money. But even with okay money I cannot afford even the cheapest apartment in my area. My one source of hope that that I’m guaranteed like 5k a year raises for the next 10 years because of my union contract. That means that in 2 years I should be back at the “my own shitty apartment” level, and in 5 I might even be able to afford rent without living paycheck to paycheck.

The problem is that I’ve been here before. I’ve been telling myself “in 2 years it will be better” for the past 10 years. When I was starting I thought about all that I would be able to afford when I made more money. Now, I literally make 3x more and feel poorer than I did then. Every time I make more money, everything I have to pay just costs more. Rent goes up, heat goes up, gas goes up, insurance goes up, food costs more, etc. What should be serious raises on a career pay scale aren’t even cost of living increases. I feel delusional for thinking I might actually be financially stable some day.

I’m incredibly lucky to be able to live with my family right now - I’ve been able to save some money/finance my career change without going into debt. But it isn’t sustainable. My family makes it very clear that this is their house and not mine, and I never feel comfortable or relaxed here. I know that sounds like such a very privileged complaint to have (we were fully homeless for a bit when I was a kid, so I understand how much worse it can be than what I have now), but I feel like with the amount of work I’m doing and the stage I’m at in my career it shouldn’t be like this. I’m at the point where I genuinely don’t know if anything will ever be able to change, because as soon as I start to get enough to consider leaving the price just goes up.

I think what’s really bothering me is that I love every other aspect of my life right now. I love my job, I have a good social life, I have hobbies that I love, I’m extremely on top of my life and ironically my mental health has honestly never been better. I should be thriving. But I just don’t have a home that’s mine, and I’m not sure I ever really will.