Compuslive behaviour

I am 26 years old, and I want to explain my situation as accurately and honestly as possible because I do not understand what is happening to me.

I started masturbating when I was around 10 years old. At that time, I did not have a phone or access to pornography. I would masturbate using my imagination, perhaps once a week or once a month, although I do not remember the exact frequency.

When I was around 16 and studying in Grade 12, I discovered pornography. After that, I started watching pornography much more frequently. Sometimes I would watch porn and masturbate daily, and sometimes I would masturbate twice a day.

When I was around 21–22, I discovered the NoFap movement, semen retention, celibacy, and Brahmacharya. I became very focused on trying to stop masturbation completely. Over the next 3–4 years, I read more than 20–30 books and a lot of other material about NoFap, semen retention, celibacy, and Brahmacharya. I also read the Bhagavad Gita and many other books related to self-control, spirituality, and sexual abstinence.

I repeatedly tried to abstain from masturbation. Sometimes I could stop for 1–2 days, sometimes a week or two, and sometimes longer. During these 3–4 years, I tried many times to follow NoFap. The longest period I was able to abstain was about 30 days. However, I would eventually relapse and then feel a lot of regret, guilt, and frustration.

I spent a significant amount of time thinking about masturbation, pornography, NoFap, semen retention, and trying to control my sexual urges. I feel that this has also affected my studies and academic life. My academic performance and results have decreased, and I feel that I have not been able to study and concentrate as well as I should have.

Nighttime Episodes

For approximately the last two years, I have also noticed something that concerns me more.

Sometimes, during the night while I am sleeping, I seem to masturbate in a semi-conscious state. I am not fully awake, and I do not intentionally decide to masturbate or intentionally want to ejaculate.

Sometimes I have little or no memory of what happened. I may only realize afterward that I have masturbated or ejaculated, or I may notice it when I wake up in the morning. On some occasions, I have woken up and found that my clothes have been removed or displaced, but I do not remember removing them.

This is different from the times when I am fully awake and consciously choose to watch pornography or masturbate. During these nighttime episodes, I feel that I am not completely conscious or in control of what I am doing, and I do not intentionally want to ejaculate.

Because of this, I am particularly concerned that there may be a sleep-related problem. I want to know whether these episodes could be sexsomnia, another parasomnia, or something else.

Daytime Naps and Pornography

Another thing that happens is after I sleep during the daytime. If I take a nap for around 1–2 hours, when I wake up, I may immediately start touching or playing with my penis and masturbating.

Sometimes I may not feel completely awake when this starts. Afterward, I may begin searching for pornography. Once I start searching, I can spend a long time looking for different videos and then binge-watch pornography.

Sometimes I may spend 30 minutes to an hour or even longer searching for and watching porn, and I may masturbate multiple times.

It can feel like a cycle: I wake up from a nap → start touching or playing with my penis → start masturbating → search for pornography → continue searching and watching more pornography → masturbate repeatedly.

Sexual Experience With My Girlfriend

I have also had a girlfriend and had sex with her when I was around 23, approximately 2–3 years ago.

What confuses me is that even after having sex with my girlfriend, I could still watch pornography and masturbate afterward. I do not understand why having a real sexual experience did not reduce my desire to watch pornography or masturbate.

How This Has Affected My Life

Because of all of this, I am very confused about what is actually wrong with me.

I have spent years trying to stop. I have tried NoFap many times, including a maximum period of about 30 days. I have read the Bhagavad Gita, books about Brahmacharya, semen retention, NoFap, celibacy, and many other materials because I genuinely wanted to change this behavior.

However, I repeatedly go through the same cycle:

abstinence → strong urges/thoughts → relapse → guilt and regret → trying to abstain again.

I feel that this problem has affected my studies, concentration, academic performance, productivity, and ability to focus on my life.

I also feel that I have spent an excessive amount of time thinking about whether I should masturbate, whether I should abstain, pornography, sexual urges, NoFap, semen retention, and related topics.

I have searched online and found terms such as sleep inertia and sexsomnia. I do not want to diagnose myself, but I would like to understand whether these terms could explain my experiences.

What exactly could be happening to me? Is there a specific problem  plz

respond i am from Nepal