I feel more lost, hopeless and undesirable the older i get.

I'm mid 30s, short, bald, and socially inept. I'm not funny, not interesting, i don't have much to say most of the time, and i'm not smart. The older i get, the more i realize just how inept i've been all these years at so many important life skills, but it was masked by youth and pure ignorance. I think i have no idea how to have a conversation beyond the most basic stuff. When i meet new people, i can often tell at some point the conversation and vibe becomes awkward, but i don't know how to stop it from happening. I trip over my words, blank out, say things that are incoherent, and just generally seem out of sorts when i try to chat with someone.

Dating wise, i can only delude myself for so long. Sometimes i put all this scrutiny on interactions with matches, or with dates, then i realize that, the fact that i'm having these thoughts and reactions is a direct function of how desirable i am, and it's not necessarily what i say or do, because if i was actually somewhat desirable these things would naturally move a lot smoother. And if there is a "game" so to speak on how to increase desire, i certainly am not able to grasp it.

I can start to feel my body aging, everything i like doing is becoming harder. In active hobbies i have to fight tooth and nail to retain a fraction of what i used to be able to do. I can feel my cognition slowing too, takes me longer to understand things, or i can't follow conversations sometimes.

I feel so incredibly lost about my direction in life. I work a corporate job, it affords me a very comfortable life, has good work life balance, yet i dread almost every single day. Last few months i've completely been checked out, delivering minimal work, watching yt or w/e, yet somehow have not been fired. It doesn't feel sustainable. But i have no idea how to change it. I fucking hate everything about corporate life, no matter the role but i don't have any skills, aptitude, or interest to do anything else. In life, I can't get my mind around having to work to stay alive, it's like something in my brain is broken, it's been a life long battle for me. I don't have suicidal tendencies but i would legitimately rather be dead.