Seeing myself as an object

I never really felt pretty as a guy, although a lot of girls told me i look attractive. I was never really masculine and i became a femboy recently and i also came out as bisexual.

Although i used to objectify myself always, never seeing myself as a person, but more as a utility, lately it has been evolving to worsened stages. In short, i basically send you know “dirty pictures” to a lot of guys and girls who ask for it, i don’t seek love anymore but it feels like an addiction i have, the attention i receive when someone views me as an object, rather than a person, because i have always felt like no one really likes my personality.

Lately i have also been starving myself out, sometimes eating only like 2 pieces of fruit and a small meal in the evening. This together with my bad mental health | suicide/self harm | has really led to an extreme decline of my mental health and i basically seek power of that what destroys the most. It is almost like i am starting to love ruining myself.

Ironically, i am 22m, i have 2 degrees already, now also doing a double study (finance and philosophy) and overall i am a busy person with a lot of responsibilities. I can think critically, yet i still choose to participate in the objectification of myself. Sometimes i don’t understand why i am this messed up.