Infidelity Poem

I don’t want to die.
I don’t want to live.

I can’t thrive,
But I can float.

I wonder if there ever will be a time of genuine happiness?

Or is that just a blip in my life ?

My pain is dull and constant.

I don’t know what was real of our life together.

Our whole marriage feels fake and I’m scared of trying and starting over.

What was my role in the marriage being how it was ?

What’s the truth of the affairs?

Will I ever see him the same again?

Honestly I don’t know.

I hate the girl I see in the mirror.

The naive little girl who believed in love,

Who believed love could endure all,

Who believed her husband wanted her,

Who believed she could have her little family,

Who believed all of the perfect imperfections

being a part of who we were and not end all

Who believed in forgiveness for all.

I’m done seeing that little girl die inside.

I’m done watching her kill herself on the inside out.

I’m done letting her tell herself “if only

I could have been ____

then it wouldn’t have happened”

I’m done letting her believe she is unlovable

and undeserving of true love

I’m done letting her rot herself into her own grave

I’m going to help her up,

Tell her it’s going to be okay,

Let her know it’s okay if she can’t forgive yet,

But that she can start to love herself

I’m done letting her believe that this is the best

she’s going to get

And that the best is yet to come

She’s going to rise above the unimaginable and

Be stronger than she ever was