it gets worse

i wanna to end my life but the only reason is stopping me is my mom i feel so guilty abt her today when i came back she started to crying and she said that she knew how i feel and how tired i am idk what to do but i had disappointed her a lot and thats makes me feel worse and she doesn't really have someone else im the only one honestly im so afraid to do it and leave her alone she don't deserve this im big mess