I was at a campsite yesterday with a bunch of guys and was hanging around w a friend, it was hell of a heat and I was with 2 shirts and a jacket  to hide my boobs and curves (all my sport's bras are stinking asf and my house isn't a safe place to hang them), mind that I am DIY'ng for 10 months and the biggest changes are starting to appear

so it was 2pm and I was at verge of having a heatstroke and took off my jacket and the loose shirt when it was only my friend around... I took it off with my back to him obviously... but he asked me to help him set up his tent and he stared my body and I clearly became uncomfortable as well trying to hide from him

we're friends for like 3 years and he saw my changes (physical and emotional) from repper to boymoder progressively and asked if there was something happening... I started crying and said that I am a trainee...

he said he doesn't understand or support but will respect me the same he always did

but some hours later he mentioned hearing that some people we know in common said that I started looking strange recently and being perceived as a weird young man... which makes me feel worse because I can't socially transition any soon and people will talk to my back like that and worst but I can't simply troon out and become homeless

my parents absolutely know that there's something happening and keep getting angry every time they want me to say anything

so yeah I'm afraid the end of line is getting closer everyday.

I don't even know why I am writing about it here but yeah it's over almost

cissoid friend found out about me