I've lost hope in my hair.

Hello everyone,

So, this is my first post on here and honestly just need to express the way I feel about my hair. I feel as if this is safest place for me to do so. I don't want to make this a vent post (because there are other places for that) but I seriously need guidance from somebody because I fear I'm going to hit my rock bottom. I adore Black hairstyles, but I have a poor relationship with my hair to the point of hatred.

For your information, I am an 18 year old Black- African girl raised in the UK since I was 3, this is important because in my culture women are often taught to be domestic and traditional. Because of this, I feel very self- conscious about my hair as I think it reflects badly on how I am growing as a young woman and the way I take care of my body. I have really poor self-esteem due my childhood, specifically from school bullying and trauma from my family. Doesn't help that my mother and older sister insult me about it almost everyday and compare me to other teens. They joke that I shouldn't have daughters because I won't know how to take care of them, my mother in particular has told me to just go bald. Honestly, I might just do so.

• I do not know how to do my hair nor take care of it. I do wash but that is all I can do, I don't even know if I'm washing it correctly, because my hair remains the same and always ends up with dirt or dandruff and itches like crazy at times.

• I don't know how to braid my hair - I can do plaits going down, but I can't for the life of me do cornrows. This is because my hands cramp too easily and I don't have motivation for it nor has anyone taught me to do my own hair, I was just expected to self learn. Also, my hair is uneven as the front is more straight and can easily be combed, hence why I can only do plaits there. But the back is extremely kinky and hard to manage. Because of this, I can't even do 2 cornrows and I feel ashamed.

• They only way I can put it in a bun is if I straightened it or aggressively comb it which has damaged my hair which has caused it to shed a lot for a long time.

Please if you can, tell EXACTLY what to do, what to use and how to take of my hair properly. I have no money to buy products right now and there is no point in me finding a job until after I settle in university which is next month (fuck me). I fear I won't survive being independent if I can't even do this simple thing as a young adult. As simple as it it, without it, I feel so disconnected from myself and other black people. Please do help.