First break up

I already posted this in R/suicidewatch, but i think maybe this community could give me more break-up specific advice.

I (18F) just got broken up with by my first ever boyfriend (19M). Its been 24 hours and I havent been able to eat anything, throwing up multiple times. I’ve been terrified for a long time that he would eventually get tired of me, decide I’m too much, or realize that being without me is better. I’ve spent so much time worrying that I was imagining him pulling away, and finding out that he had actually been thinking about ending things made those fears feel like they were coming true. I feel so used for sex, because the last time we saw eachother he was extremely insistent on us having sex. Knowing that he was plotting our breakup while doing that makes me feel gross, used, and discarded (even though I doubt this was intentional).

Now that we’ve removed each other from social media and he changed his status to single, I feel completely replaceable and afraid that he’s going to move on, be happier without me, and realize he never really loved me. I feel so hurt and betrayed because he knew about every single one of these fears and still abandoned me. Telling me its for the best. I agree that our relationship was unhealthy and codependent, but the part that hurts most is that all the blame was put on me. I feel so afraid, like i cant get through this and no one else will ever love me. I have been suicidal since, and have been struggling to avoid that as a solution. I dont want to hurt myself, but I feel as though my life is over anyway. I dont know what could help, but I figured advice cant hurt.