Cis woman with genital dysphoria and subsequent depression, how do I deal with this?

I consider myself a cisgender woman, I feel no distress at being seen as a woman by everyone, but for a long time I've felt what can only be described as genital dysphoria.

Everything about having a vagina is repulsive to me. I hate looking at it, i hate knowing that any sexual partners will be interacting with it, i hate the knowledge I can get pregnant, it brings me nothing but distress. I see people who have dicks talk about using them during sex and reading / hearing about these experiences makes me feel a profound sense of hopelessness. The knowledge I'm stuck with a vagina for the rest of my life is something I need to actively avoid thinking about because it makes me spiral.

Dating other women has exarcebated this (i only have had experience with other cis people, not because of deliberate exclusion but because of who I happened to.meet), I feel like there is no point in being with one if I don't have a dick and that sexually, I am useless. I cannot comprehend why anyone, especially not another woman, would find a vagina sexually appealing / satisfactory. I dont want to ever use a strap, to me it's a ridiculous attempt at emulating a dick and there's no reason why I should disappoint my partner by giving them the shitty option out of the two.

On the other hand, dating men and knowing they wanted my vagina made me feel repulsed.

I'm not sure what I even want, I know phalloplasty is not something a doctor would ever give to a cis woman, and that even if I do get one, I'll likely have complications and not be satisfied with the results (I've researched this extensively). I dont know what to do, I guess i just need help from someone who understands this on how I can cope with the disgust and hopelessness.