Just put my dog down

Put her down today (I’m 17). I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. My sister’s too young for this to hurt her, and my mom is the type of person who can cry once and be fine. I’m not. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do anything but lay here and cry, I can’t move. This is the second pet I’ve lost this summer. My gecko (I know it does sound like a big deal but it was for me) died in June, she was easier to deal with. I still had my dog and it was my fault so it didn’t feel like I had the right to grieve. But this? Now I’m alone. And it wasn’t my fault, she was just old (12) nothing I could’ve done would help. I was the one who picked her out in the pound, she’s been with me everyday for seven years. And now she’s gone. And I’m just supposed to go to school and act like everything is fine. People keep saying she’s in heaven now, but how does that help, “Heaven” isn’t with me. My says this is a good thing, she won’t have to deal with dog hair or leaving her when we go out of town now. But how can there be anything good about this. I was in the euthanasia room, my mom said she’d just go to sleep, no she didn’t. She died. And her eyes just stared at me the whole time. And I had to come home to an empty house and stare at her bed. I can’t do this. I feel so sick, I can’t even eat.