Unmedicated, triggered by ex, now hypo/manic and hollow.

Hi everyone, I really need a safe space to vent and maybe get some perspective from people who understand bipolar disorder.

​I ran out of my medications and haven't been able to refill them yet due to administrative delays. Last night, I drank alcohol without my meds in my system. On top of that, I opened Instagram and saw an out-of-nowhere text from my ex—who cheated on me and subjected me to SA during our relationship.

​At first, I felt an intense wave of rage. I cried for a brief moment, but then my brain just completely shut off the pain. I stopped feeling sad or angry altogether. Instead, I suddenly felt this weird, hollow burst of euphoria/happiness. I started doomscrolling, and when I saw something slightly funny, I laughed way harder and louder than I normally would.

​I know logically I should be grieving, angry, or upset about the trigger, but I feel completely numb and hyperactive at the same time.

​Is it normal to shift into this weird, hollow "happy" or manic state right after a major trigger and med withdrawal?