I need reassurance !!

Warning !!!! Slight mention of self harm and suicidal ideation.

I feel like I’m going crazy, I’m 16 (f) but my parents divorced when I was 3 and my dad immediately remarried to my now step mom. She would always hit me, yell at me, just always ticks me off and then she would hug me and tell me not to cry. It’s an on going cycle where she gets mad at me for the smallest things and I stay silent until I’ve had enough and talk back, and then whenever I complain to my dad about what she’s doing she acts like she’s never done that and that I’m just making shit up!! I remember that one day where I was having a sleep over at my grand mothers house since my dad traveled, my step mother came to the living room and told me to go sleep for school and I made a light hearted joke about staying up a little more with my cousins. She had this look like she was about to burst out of anger and I just silently went back in the room. I still remember the hard slaps I got on my back for asking nicely to stay up with my cousins once, and when she asks me a question and I try to answer she just screams at me to answer. I got fed up and told her to give me a chance to answer and fucking stop interrupting me.

Anyways when I was 11 I got tired of staying silent and I went to my mom’s house and told her everything. My mom took action and immediately took me to her, which resulted in me living at my grandfathers house where she was and I would go to my dad’s house on the weekends. But near 2024 my mom had moved to another city for a good job opportunity and my dad forbade me to go to the other city to live with her. I was 14 at the time, and was forced to move back to my dad’s house. My step mother wasn’t hitting me anymore since I’ve grown, even though there were some instances where she pushes me around, she’s resorting more towards emotional abuse. My dad travels a lot but whenever he’s there and we’re at the dinner table, I would try to talk to him and everyone but everytime I speak she looks at me weird and just rolls her eyes, and whenever I walk around the house she doesn’t look at me, rolls her eyes again, or she would just act like I don’t exist. There’s ofcourse no affection at all, only talking to me when needed or when she felt like it which made me feel so crazy!!
I forgot to mention that I started to sh at 12 after everything.

Another cycle begins where she ignores me, only gets nice with me when she’s in the mood, then ignores me again which makes me feel like I’m either crazy for thinking she’s mean or that I don’t deserve to feel guilty because she’s clearly still being mean towards me

Back to present me I’m 16 all of that is still happening except I don’t get hugged or apologized to (since I was 13) and I’m having strong suicidal thoughts, i can never have a good friendship or relationship with anyone without overthinking and just isolating myself because i think they hate me, im always isolating myself, I can’t bear to live in that house anymore. I always feel like I’m crazy, it’s like she’s intentionally trying to make me angry or pissed off I don’t get it, but living at my dads has made my mood swings so bad. I just want to disappear In a void.

I’m planning on moving to my mom’s house after I finish senior year which is next year, but I’m scared of disappointing my dad and making him feel angry towards me.. my dad knows about the problems with me and my stepmom and he’s helped me a lot but he still believes that I shouldn’t move and I should stay with family and shit.