She doesn't like me like she thinks she does... I M23 had been seeing this girl F23 for a while, in totality, a couple years of on and off with no actual solid relationship

I M23 had been seeing this girl F23 for a while, in totality, a couple years of on and off with no actual solid relationship as we'd both been seeing others on the side. However, I decided to end things before anything solid could even start, and these were my reasons...

For the past couple months, we'd decided to try and see where we'd really go with this and I did start liking her. She claims she did as well but there was no real title that was imposed to this for one reason or the other, with the main one being the fact I believed she didn't like me enough.

Over the years, I've been with a couple of other girls who've expressed absolute desire, not just through words, but action, to the point where you don't even question if they're really into you. Things end of course for one reason or the other, but with no question if they're into me.

I've kept in mind that we all express affection differently, and maybe the way she expressed it wasn't how I saw myself receiving it for a good part of my life, potentially even the rest of it. But for her, maybe that's how she felt she could express it. I was quite expressive, not much through words, but actions, and from what I got from asking her, she did feel it like she was okay with how I did it. My actions told her I was into her.

I'll list some of the reasons why I felt she didn't really like me and these are:

How she'd express how much of a good father I'd probably be. How much of a great husband and family man I could be due to my character and personality traits, which all sound like a compliment yeah, but if that's why she'd want to be with me, then those are the completely wrong reasons I believe. It starts to sound like a good "business decision" that's being made. Are you even attracted to me? Are you even drawn to me? Do you even want to spend time with me, or are you making the safe "business decision".

She'd mention how she felt really safe around me, which is great yeah, but I've just never believed in going for the safe option. Its just a nicer way of saying you're settling, and once you do, you spend the rest of your life wondering what could've been had you been bold enough to go for what you actually wanted.

How about going for someone you truly desire and trying to find safety in that, instead of trying to do things the other way round. Attraction can not be learned or negotiated. Its illogical. I say this as someone who's settled for the safe option before and I had to leave even though I felt I still loved her coz I wasn't loving her like I should've. I knew I should've loved her better, and I tried, but it just didn't come so naturally so I could only do it in short burst because it felt like work. Anyways, back to this girl in particular...

So I ended up telling her I knew she didn't like me the way she thinks she does. And if things were to continue, she'd end up feeling like she settled.

And at the same time, as someone who's felt desired before, I wasn't willing to spend a good part of my life feeling as if someone settled for me.

But yet again, there isn't one way to love and one way to express. There's an infinite number of ways love comes and happens. So who am I to speak like I've got the blueprint when I simply don't