no point in wistful thinking... i need to save myself.

i wish i had rich parents and could live a healthy lifestyle and just focus on taking care of myself and being pretty while my parents spoil me or being able to afford games and whatever i want.

but that doesn't matter. nothing is gonna change no matter how much i wish it would and the past isn't going to change either. i need to take care of myself. i need to save myself.

despite having no energy right now, i'm gonna get up soon, make a coffee and be productive. i will work on my project and eventually achieve my dream.

i am deteriorating physically and i wonder how long i can keep this high motivation up. maybe thinking that it's gonna go away is the most damaging thing i can do. i should just enjoy it while it lasts and maybe... it doesn't even have to go away, maybe it's just who i am now.