Biscuits with sausage gravy hash browns and an egg fried in sausage grease.

I got a significant salary increase in 2019 and then an even bigger one when I got a new job in late 2022.

Since then I really dont think I ate food I prepared myself for more than 1 meal a day. Often times I would eat out 3 meals a day, a whole week would go by where I ate out every meal.

I can go in to detail about all the understandable reasons why this happened, um pandemic, the unmasking of so many people including my parents as hateful and stupid, etc.I really struggle with actual self care tasks, like doing dishes. I hit a real low point in 2021, I was really depressed and struggling at work so much I was afraid I was going to get fired. I started therapy, and in retrospect what was very obvious, got diagnosed with adhd. That helped me professionally and got me to a place where I was excited about things and feeling happy again, but not really caring for myself. I was still eating multiple times a day. 

If I am honest with myself I really am ashamed this happened. I do believe that when you know better you do better and at that time in my life I didnt have any healthy coping skills or strong support systems I trusted to help me. But these choices seriously impacted my health and while I never have been financially irresponsible I could be in a much better place and maybe accomplished things I want to but couldn't because I was wasting so much money on take out.

This meal marks the end of the 3rd day where I cooked everything I ate in my own kitchen. I dont think I have ever done that since I lived in this house. I want to celebrate it. I know it still have a long way to go to regularly be taking care of myself but capping off 3 days of home-cooked meals, where I have two vegetarian lunches, with a favorite of mine, biscuits and gravy. Eating it while the breakfast casserole is am making for the upcoming work week cooks. Knowing I have lunch for tomorrow prepped and leftovers for tomorrow's dinner feels damn near miraculous. Add on to that that I also have only dishes from this meal to clean and I really want to give myself an award.

Being an adult is hard