i don’t think i can handle being alone anymore

i somehow always manage to push everyone i love into leaving me and if i take another loss it’s gonna be the last straw. i can never make anyone love me enough to stick around and i don’t think ill ever be able to. in the end i always fuck everything up and this time i think ive pushed away the one person who has seen me for who i am and decided to love me anyway.

i pray to whatever higher being that’ll listen that i won’t wake up tomorrow morning. i know id rather be dead than have to go back to being alone after experiencing what it’s like not only to love someone, but to have them love you back.