I know she's a girl's girl, so, should I send her the 'please block him" DM??

Long time listener, first time caller.... So my post is probably too all over the palace

33f married to 35m. Husband (H) and I have been married 6 years. I want to start off with saying I want actual advice and not token credit "leave him" advice. If you can help it..

First, I'm grown up enough and logical enough to know a lot of people have what ifs from their past, even if that means they don't want to lose their present. That's normal. So for starters I don't worry about infidelity... Not physically.

Brings me to this girl from my husbands past. We can call her G. The crush he never confessed to, the one who genuinely truly thinks of him as a brother (he really has no shot with her, she said it, even his mom said she thinks of him as family and his mom doesn't cover for him,) even in the start of our relationship I knew he liked G and never told her about it. (Their friendship was in 2010-2014, and haven't seen in person since then if it matters) I didn't know that was ever something that crossed his mind in 2026 though. About a year ago, my husband in his drunken stupor was talking to G in a message and had said some stuff that bothers me. Without giving the exact conversation i can't remember, it was not too inappropriate just the fact he had been thinking about "what ifs" and how life might be different. G, a single mother of 2 replied the nonchalant advice one would give to their brother with a new family, that life gets hard in those first two years and it's a new change and that its normal as long as you don't act on what ifs. Then other small talk about life. I noticed that every comment that COULD be read as a hint was either overlooked or just outright ignored if she did pick up on them, confronted H about the messages when I found them, in the height of my emotions reading "what if" knowing that he meant HER, even if she didn't. he was still half drunk cause I didn't calm myself first. I found them by accident. He just deleted the chat, Slept it off, And we talked to me about it the next day. Which wasn't much. But he didn't message her OR drink for weeks after that night.

But I also talked to G about it. Which husband doesn't know about. It felt weird to start the message,, but I had to know. I messaged and asked if she knew he meant her. She didn't. She told me about her ex husband. And her cheating father. And how she would tell him who she views as a brother he was being stupid if he ever outright said anything flirty. I believe her. I read how much she complimented me in their normal chats. She was never the problem. The thing is Gs relationship with my husband doesn't bother me like most people would assume. It's actually my husband's relationship to G that bothers me. Because he deletes it.

I will admit I am ashamed but once in a blue moon after that conversation I would check his messages because he agreed he wouldn't speak to her if it made me uncomfortable. I have done that for him before, some friendnships run their course and die naturally. Our phone codes are the same it's not abnormal for me to have access to his phone but I won't be innocent, when I do check he is either in the shower or in the bathroom. It's not constant, I think I've checked more the last month than I did since that, but in doing so I found that he is clearing the search history on fb Messenger where to type the name of who you wanna message. And he deletes the chat history. I know this cause sometimes he forgets to delete the search history. But the chat to G is always empty as if he never messaged her. Which I HAVE SEEN a message with a random fb share. And the next day it's gone.

The not knowing how she responds if at all since speaking to me... Like...is he just sending her shit and she never replies? Was I wrong about her when we chatted? It didn't seem like it cause the girl sent me basically 20 ss in order of things I missed in my emotional reading with no edits or changes (I skimmed them I just didn't fully read them)

I know the issue is not G. It's my husband and how he feels the need to delete and clear history. It bothers me. But also bringing it up just shows how nosey I am.... I know I am wrong for snooping like that, but the not knowing drives me nuts. I feel like I could just ask G to block him and she would given what our last conversation went like, but a big part of me thinks I've lost whatever relationship I have if I have to ask the girl who hasnt done anything wrong to be the one who shuts him down in a OBVIOUS way...

What ifs are normal. I won't say I don't understand a connection like what he wished he had with G, and what I know he doesn't want to lose with me and our child, but I'm so uncomfortable. And once in a while the random thought "check his message history" pops into my head. Like tonight. Where I saw he searched her name in DMs (which was clear the last time I checked) but the chat was once again blank...

This is the only flaw in my entire marriage and it feels big. Because he is hiding it. And the worst part is it's all stupid shit from fb and small talk. I'd feel more secure if he just left their chat undeleted....

Please help. With real advice to someone who isn't quick to throw away a relationship over uncomfortable feelings without proper communication. I feel like my last communication wasn't direct enough, but that has NEVER been my strong point. I'm the kind of person who will have to power through hard topics cause in crying even if my feelings don't match..my personality for hard stuff just non confrontational and anxiety through the roof so I avoid it. I've been that way since I was a child. But this is important to me

TL:DR ; should I message her again 11 months later to see if she could just tell him goodbye? She offered during my first chat with her but I felt so secure with her replies that I decided I wouldn't push for him to block her or for her to /ignore/ him.... Unless she's a VERY good liar, I think she would do it. But I feel HIS actions are the issue...