I'm just tired

I'm tired of it all my older brother is pulling everything to be the center of attention while I'm sinking down again I don't ever want to be in a mental hospital again but I'm just worried about myself I have too much stuff I can harm myself with but if I try to keep myself safe and bring up anything to my parents theyll just talk down to me or mock it because my older brother made a mockery of mental health issues (every other weed would claim he needed to go to a mental hospital then just be normal when he was told no because he doesn't NEED it and was going so often that places were rejecting him or keeping him for only 3 days) and I've had past experiences with them finding out about self harm and just talking down to me saying that because I self harmed I wasnted to kill myself and that they'd give me a way to