It’s not worth living like this

I’ve thought about it a while, years. I’ve been dealing with this stupid disorder since I was 9. It doesn’t get better for me.

I’ve actively started feeding into it and I’m scared it won’t just be intrusive thoughts anymore. I have a type of harm OCD where my thoughts are just wanting to be >!raped!<, hurt, in a serious way. This is not some kink. It affects my everyday life and existence as a human being. I have POCD too, and I’m constantly struggling when my only dream is to be a mommy. I hate myself for thinking this way.

My partner left me after I told him how hard I was struggling, with how the thoughts never go away but they’ve gotten worse. Im a burden to everyone and I regret being the way I am. He was the only one who tried helping me through this.

I just want to be normal, I don’t want to live like this anymore, it’s not worth it.