She betrayed me or I was wrong

Just to give context she was really a nice women, There was a girl I met at the office. What started as a friendship slowly became something much deeper. She is a giver by nature, someone who does things without expecting anything in return, but she is also emotionally vulnerable.

She had been through a lot, and I knew how deeply her past had affected her. For the first four months, we spent almost every day together at work. We became each other’s people, were there through each other’s difficult days, and somewhere along the way, we both fell for each other and became deeply attached.

Around that time, I also started feeling that something was seriously wrong with me. I was constantly depressed, struggling to sleep, anxious, and mentally not myself.

Around the fifth month, my mental health deteriorated badly. I became clinically depressed, stopped sleeping properly, had constant anxiety and racing thoughts, and slowly became less active and present. Eventually, things ended naturally. I stopped reaching out, and although we remained friends, I still had feelings for her while quietly dealing with my own struggles. I told her multiple times that I wasn't okay and asked for help, but I never really got the support I was hoping for. While I was trying to be there for her through her emotional struggles, I was slowly falling apart myself.

There were a few times when she came back to me for emotional support, especially when something happened in her family. Despite everything I was going through, I was still there for her.

Meanwhile, my physical health was also getting worse. I eventually found out I had an autoimmune condition, though at that time I didn't fully understand what was happening to my body.

Then we had a fight. She had gone for a movie with a guy she had recently met, and I reacted from a place of hurt and insecurity. I blamed her, which hurt her, and she eventually blocked me.

Months later, we met at a common friend's wedding. She came to talk to me and broke down, telling me her parents were pressuring her to marry someone much older. I supported her, and she told me that if our castes had been the same, she probably would have married me.

That night, we spoke until 4 a.m. We talked about her fears and my health. She told me how scared she was for me. She was preparing to leave for her master's abroad and told me she would never block me again. I told her I wasn't mentally okay and asked her not to block me if I said something wrong because of what I was going through. She promised she wouldn't. She said she'd video call me every day, asked me to come to the US, and said she couldn't stay without me.

For someone already struggling mentally and physically, those words meant a lot. I started believing that maybe there was still something between us that mattered.

Then we argued again, this time about another guy she had started talking to. I know I was insecure. My mind was racing, my anxiety was severe, and I didn't handle it perfectly. I never abused or cursed at her; I asked her to keep some distance from him because I was uncomfortable with the way they were talking. I had seen him calling her "baby" very early in their conversations.

She told me I had disrespected her and said she would never talk to me again, except to check on my health.

Four or five days later, I did something I shouldn't have done. I accessed her Instagram and looked through her conversations. I saw that she had become intimate with that same guy only days after we stopped talking.

I know invading her privacy was wrong.

But I was already dealing with depression, severe anxiety, sleep problems, an autoimmune illness, and a nervous system that felt completely overwhelmed. When I saw it, my body simply gave up. I spent the entire night with severe diarrhea, feeling like my body was reacting to something my mind couldn't process.

I blocked her—not for revenge, but because I didn't know how else to protect myself.

A month later, I told her what I had found out over Snapchat, and she blocked me there too. Through common friends, I later heard that she felt I had invaded her privacy and that we were "just friends." Objectively, I understand that. She had every right to her privacy, to move on, and to be with whoever she wanted.

But emotionally, that wasn't what I was struggling to understand.

I couldn't understand the contradiction.

How could someone tell me that if circumstances were different, she would have married me? That she couldn't stay without me? That she'd video call me every day and never block me again? That she was scared for my health?

And then, only days after our last argument, become intimate with someone she had known for barely a month?

Maybe she didn't owe me a relationship, exclusivity, or even an explanation. But I had built an emotional world around the things she told me, especially at a time when I was mentally and physically at my weakest. When her actions suddenly contradicted those words, I didn't know how to process it.

What hurts even more is that two years have passed. I've had serious health problems and was even admitted to the hospital in an emergency for a week. She never came or even asked about my health.

Maybe she doesn't have that responsibility anymore. Maybe she moved on. Maybe, from her perspective, we really were just friends.

I understand all of that intellectually. But emotionally, I still struggle because it feels like whenever she becomes overwhelmed by her emotions, she forgets the things she once said to me—and what those words meant to me.

I just want to understand, what ever I did is such a big mistake?