I'm so Close to Giving it all Up

I didn't used to be like this, okay maybe a small part of me was, but I used to be a happy kid, my life wasn't perfect back then either, but At least I felt as if it was. As a Latino who was born and raised in Puerto Rico, the one thing they tell you is "family will always be there for you". Cut to 2025, and that same piece of shit family kicked me out of the house. A house that I decided to move into when I was 16 thanks to who I thought was the only person to have my back at the time; my grandma. We aren't in Puerto Rico Anymore. We are in the saddest and most pathetic city in the world, El Paso, TX.

My life wasn't too bad before I moved here, but In my 16 year old mind I sincerely thought: "things can't get any worse". Oh, how stupid I was. Cut to now 2026, where every single member of my cold, blood related family has decided to turn their backs on me. Why? You may be asking. Well, I have a girlfriend, a Trans Girlfriend. My brother was Gay and I started Smoking weed and working at a prominent smoke shop in the area. Let's just say my Christian, Machista Family didn't approve. It's been a year since it happened and I can't help but feel so alone and hurt because of it. Losing your family sucked but did it get worse? Yeah it did:

I lost my job at the Smoke shop a couple months ago, and it wasn't even my fault. The manager was so incompetent and stupid they couldn't stand by me or the other employees that had been working for them for over 2 years. You know what hurts more? The fact that they were hiring for new positions the week afterwards. What they fuck?! So they straight up couldn't manage a budget, so now me and countless others had to pay for it? With our livelihoods? Needless to say, I'm over it.

I'm over the whole applying for jobs who aren't happy with just asking some questions and your resume. NO! now they ask for you to spend hours re-writing information from your resume and doing stupid tests without even a single guarantee to get an interview, and even if you do get an interview there isn't a guarantee for employment either and it leaves you feeling like; "seriously what even is the point?"

All that on top of the fact, that Money Hoarding Pedos are ruining our country and our lives day by day. Why should I keep living? What is the point? The only thing keeping me here is my Girlfriend, oh how I love her. But, she's hurt me before. She even tried replacing me at some point, talking about how I wasn't listening to her, that she didn't feel seen by me.

Well Bitch, I've never been seen by a single person in my life. I've always felt invisible. I know I have great ideas, but no one wants to listen to them. So someone tell me what's the point?

Her and her family have been saints towards me, but they aren't my blood, and it feels fake and forced sometimes. I just don't think it's for me, I feel like this is exactly how imposter syndrome feels. I'm so close to giving it all up.

Can anyone tell me what's the point of all of this? Cause so far it feels like my life is just another waste in this cosmic universe. Not to mention, I'm very very close to possibly ending up homeless too. I'm so tired of this game we call life and I wanna put the controller down and just go to sleep for eternity.