24F | Rant on dating life!!! Man hater 🥲

24F here, Absolutely frustrated with life in all aspects.

Just a little rant session to make my heart lighter.

There's 3 characters in my life who changed all the views and hopes I had for my love life. All 3 were from my college. First one was when I moved to Mumbai for work . Back then he (M21 )was my friend's lab partner. He was all lovey dovey when I was away. The day I told him I booked my tickets to come back home to college for final project review everything changed. Suddenly, he had too much work, and when I went back to college, he didn't come to see me the 1st day but just came and said hi the 2nd day and that's it. He started behaving differently, didn't bother to ask how I was doing when I literally had a panic attack one day in college, and this guy got audacity to ghost me irl. He used to talk to my friends and pretend that I didn't even exist when I literally was standing next to the same friends he was talking to. It did hurt me very badly so to spite him I spoke to my long term crush and told him I liked him and we started talking. I know it was wrong but my friends made me do it as it was our last day in college and to leave without expressing would make me regret all my life. So, It turned out to be a very bad situationship. He didn't wanna put efforts because of his past trauma yet we made it work for 1.5 yrs I was understood by him he was caring, calm, and would listen to me yap after a very bad day, but again he used to ghost me for weeks and reappear. It was toxic. Then one random day I stopped reciprocating, and I stopped replying to his texts because it was affecting me mentally. I've sworn of men because of these two; then came the third guy (M23) the final nail to my love life coffin. We basically started talking from my birthday he wished and asked how was life in Mumbai.. some casual talks and then one random day he said he had crush on me back in college and didn't dare to talk to me because he was introverted. He spoke rainbows and sunshine, got me emotionally attached to him before even meeting. I was practically thinking of taking care of his mother once we got married. He promised me things and understood me; I felt like I found "The ONE". He used to do WFH because of the holiday season around december and whenever he goes back to his office, he used to ignore or more like he understood my routine and used to text exactly when I was free. Felt like he literally knew me but little did I know, He had a girlfriend in the city where he works so whenever he went back, he went back to her; that's why he ignored me. Clueless me believed he really was busy working. Fast forward 2 months into us talking he posted a story in his IG, and a girl commented on this story. It was unusual, so I stalked her account, and I was able to see comments under her post like how a boyfriend would comment. I saw a post on her account which was recent when he was talking to me. My heart was broken. I asked God why is this was happening to me totally gut-wrenched. and didn't talk to him properly, but this guy is so smart; he knew I would've seen that comment and told me that this girl likes him and he's not interested in her. I, as a stupid person, believed his words and went on since this was long distance and we couldn't really meet still. Fast forward to 3 month into us talking he never initiated meeting me, and he was back home due to his commitments. Took advice from my friend, and I started using Bumble only to make him jealous and when I told him I had a date and that guy was just 3 hrs away from my hometown, his work city was the same distance; never has he ever told me that he would come meet me, hearing this said he would meet me that weekend and planned every fucking trip he could go on with me just 2 days before he got exposed. Now this was the conversation we had imagine planning a whole trip let's say from Kashmir to Kanyakumari and he was silent the next two days. As I was occupied with personal work, I didn't get time to text or call. 2 days, later he told he went out with his friends to a korean restaurant and took pics and sent it to me to select pictures to post in his IG. while this was going on one side my childhood friend visited me after a long time so we were debriefing about our love life. As I was telling to her about this guy I told her about the story incident and wanted to show her the profile but I was not able to view her account. I genuinely thought she deactivated her account(how stupid of me ) and asked my best friend to check from her account. she was unable to view then my childhood friend told me we could check from her account since the girl's account was public. Turns out this guy has blocked me and my 2 best friends from his girlfriend's account so we won't stalk her. this was the time when ghibli art was viral she posted him in the art form, literally hard-launched him and the korean restaurant he told me about earlier it was with her and her friends and he was sitting right next to her while sending me pictures of ramen bowl. I didn't confront him I was heartbroken and stopped talking to him. After 6 months, on his bday I wished him because I wasn't really able to let go of him fully and he asked me what happened why did I stop talking to him. In return I asked him was he talking to me to fulfil his emotional void ? he wasn't able to answer it gave me a lame excuse saying he genuinely wanted to talk to me . I un-followed him everywhere but after that incident it's been almost 1.5 years I am not able to trust any guy and there's zero interest in talking to men. Hate men and able to find out their pattern and lies. also, I recently stalked that girl's account through my friend's account he was taking good care of her like I didn't even exist to him went on to live his best life with her. Maybe that girl didn't even have a clue that this so-called perfect boyfriend of hers was emotionally cheating on her. There's no one loyal to their partners, and I am still not able to move on from this even though I don't have feelings for this guy and absolutely want to smash his head if we ever cross paths.