My asexuality is trauma based

I hate listening to people depict their intimate moments. I hate watching other people experience them. It makes me so incredibly uncomfortable and I panic. As time has gone on, it’s only gotten worse. I literally can’t even read shit online about KISSING or I get triggered and literally start panicking. I was on the phone with my sister yesterday and her boyfriend laid his head in her lap and I panicked. I literally felt my stomach drop and I felt myself start to get worked up and anxious. I have to set such clear boundaries before I form any kind of relationship with anyone because I simply can’t handle it. I’m 18 so many, many of my friends are either in the prime of their sexual lives or experiencing things for the first time and they want to share their experiences with me but I can’t do it. I can’t even hear the fact that someone had sex within the past 24 hours without literally feeling sick to my stomach. I can’t be in the same room as someone who I know is/was turned on. I want to be loved and held and touched tenderly but not sexually. I don’t want sex. I want the intimacy that comes with it. I want the closeness and the love and feeling wanted. I don’t understand why people only want me in that way. I want someone to look at me and want me because I’m me. I want to be able to hold somebody close to me and not have any more expectations, regardless of what happens. Why am I not wanted like that? Why am I only seen as a piece of meat?