XXXXXL to L

I posted here under a different account a few years back venting about feeling worthless after not fitting inside a Target bathroom stall

I felt so incredibly low.

It felt impossible and sometimes torturous but after eventually successfully losing 40 Lbs on my own, a year of therapy and regular honest one on one with a nutritionist (I was lying a lot to myself about how much and what I really ate for a while)…I got a gastric sleeve and lost 200lbs within the span of 2 years

I really thought it was something I could only hope for but never reach. Decades of failed attempts made it seem just too hard to ever achieve for myself.

Nothing is perfect.

The leftover skin is heavy and sags like a melted ice cream cone on my frame, the food noise is still often present and when I look in the mirror…the body dysmorphia is very real. I often feel like I look the same as myself at my highest weight despite what the scale says.

But thats okay

I have way more energy.

I can tie my shoes now without getting out of breath. Wiping on the toilet doesn’t feel like an extreme sport. I don’t need a cpap machine to breath at night anymore. I don’t need to ask for a seatbelt extender on the plane or bring them with me to fit into anybody’s car. (I was shocked at first because the dysmorphia is so real but I fit into the seats of all the rides at my local state fair.) I can buy clothes (that I actually like) from most stores and even have options. I don’t need braces for my ankles to be able to walk. Strangers don’t *notice* me when I’m in public because of my big size. Stairs aren’t something I have to think twice about. My doctor says my EKG’s have been perfect. I can use just use any regular scale to check my weight and I won’t get an error message from maxing it out. Standing up isn’t an exhausting event like it used to be.

I went on a 20 mile alpine backpacking trip 3 times now with my friends and I was able to keep up.

The bathroom stall isn’t too small anymore

The time is going to pass either way anyways (whether it’s perfect or not.)

If I was able to do this…
I really think anyone else can

I had to give up the ghost of just wanting to change while not making any meaningful routine changes in my day to day life

Worthwhile change isn’t easy…and it doesn’t just happen to you…it’s something you choose it every day..every minute. After a while it does become years…and that can feel like such slow progress (I know) but I’m really starting to actually appreciate how worthwhile it really is

Don’t give up because it feels far away

You’re worth the time it will take