3.5 years later....

Hi everyone!

I have been with my boyfriend (bio father of our 2.5 year old daughter, step dad to my other 2 older children from a previous marriage) for around 3.5 years.

I've had to call the police on him multiple times for aggressive rage in the past. As well as his Mom, my Mom and his brother...He has had issues with mental health and alcoholism since he was a teenager. He found out around that age that the man that he thought was his Dad, in fact wasn't. That always seems to be the HUGE TRIGGER that hurts him the deepest. That, and anything to do with his Mom, essentially. I also believe that his Mom, as well as himself, are both undiagnosed BPD with highly narcissistic traits when triggered...

His Mom was SA when she was young which is obviously horribly traumatic, and I feel for her deeply. However, I do think due to that trauma as well as being a boy Mom, and a single Mom at times, created strong enmeshment between her and my boyfriend. Not to mention the option of them both being each other's FP....

All of this speculation, of course. I'm not an MD, but I've always taken a curiosity to psychology since I was in high school which my boyfriend doesn't necessarily likes because I'm always falling into the role or therapist.

Regardless, once we got together and had our daughter together, I seemed to become his FP. His emotional anchor. UNLESS of course he was around his Mom. We all moved in with his Mom at one point so she could spend more time with our daughter ​and the trauma bond between them, and my need for direct communication to live an adult life with them both seemed to push him to the point of relapsing and having the police called on him and ultimately missing her FIRST CHRISTMAS. His Mom called that time.

I've called a couple of times due to rage/psychosis/mixing medication and alcohol together unintentionally. I always felt horrible and guilty, and he always said I betrayed him in the worst way. If I had been single, and no children in the home, I probably wouldn't have called so immediately, but I have to protect myself and our children first. No exceptions.

This final time he relapsed, but we were under the agreement that I was bringing him to rehab like in the past...He changed his mind after getting alcohol in his system and refused to go. We had our youngest in the car because he told me he wouldn't leave the house until I brought her for the ride to bring him to rehab. In an attempt to deesculate, I listened. Finally, I told him that I couldn't and wouldn't bring him back to the house so he needed to go to rehab or elsewhere. He refused and kept giving me different destinations and changing his mind. Pulling on the stick shift in attempt to stop me, and I thought he was going to ruin our car. I attempted to bring him to his brother's but that didn't work like I planned. It was either rehab or the police station at this point.

He kept trying to take my phone because he didn't want me to call the police. Due to our daughter being in the car and complete fear and desperation, I tried to get out of the car and ask someone for help. He called me back and said he was just joking and agreed to go to rehab. Once I got back in the car, I turned the car around, and he pushed his face up against mine and said "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU NOW BITCH AND YOUR KIDS ARE GOING TO WATCH. DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU'RE GOING TO DIE NOW." I tried to remain calm until and pacified him until I found a safe place to pull over and get out. I knew that if I didn't speak out to someone that I'd just keep tolerating this behavior. So I told a stranger that he was threatening me.

He kept saying "I'M JUST JOKING, YOU'RE WATCHING THE LINDSAY CLANCY TRIAL TOO MUCH" and I literally had to "touch grass" because I felt like I was losing my mind. I called the police reluctantly. He kept telling me to look at him in an attempt to change my mind, but I wouldn't.

Due to DCF involvement, I had to file a restraining order the next morning. Due to past charges and still being on probation from him last incident, I don't know what pending charges he might face. I'm not sure what to do at this point aside from keeping the restraining order in tact/letting him have visitation with the kids once he had received some serious intervention/help.

Once I told him that I couldn't keep doing this and that this merry go around had to stop, he seemed to say the most vile and hurtful things about me. I'm not sure if that's the disease/his fragile ego or what...but I'm completely and totally heartbroken and in shock. It's been a week since the incident, and only a couple days prior to that, we were cuddling in bed watching stupid YouTube shorts. It feels UNREAL to say the least.

Any kind words or advice would be truly and thoroughly appreciated. Thank you. 💛