I love my wife too much

My wife and I both love each other to a point where it scares us. We’ve been together two years now, we never fight, we always have compassion for each other because we always understand where the other is coming from. We both know the other only has the best of intentions for each other. We both came from abusive pasts and that’s a reason we are so gentle with each other. When I first met her it was really just like they talk about when you meet another half of you. It was instant love. We both walked side by side, holding each other as if we were the same person split in half and finally put back together. Many times I’ve looked at her and feel like I definitely have been with her before in another life.

Much of what she loves about me are my Buddhist beliefs and values. The way I treat people is specifically tied to me seeking philosophy and adopting Buddhism.

I’m not a good Buddhist when it comes to my feelings for her. I’m too attached and I know it. If I lost her I know I would be in an unthinkable amount of suffering. I have a feeling that I keep coming back to samsara because of her, and I don’t care. Another thing I’m noticing as I’m typing this, I keep talking about her as if she’s a fixed self. I know she can’t be.

I know that even Siddhartha’s wife had been with him through many lifetimes, somehow he was able to choose enlightenment over samsara with her. I don’t know how he did it.

I used to think I wanted Nirvana, but I don’t want it without her. I don’t know what to do about this.