Why do I feel so much guilt for sitting in an empty grocery store parking lot for forty minutes before going home?

I have a good life. I love my wife, I love my three-year-old son, and my job as an estimator pays the bills. But every Thursday night on my way home from work, I pull into the far corner of a grocery store parking lot, turn off the radio, recline my seat, and just sit there in the dark.

i do not scroll on my phone. I do not listen to podcasts. I just stare through the windshield at the streetlights and breathe in total silence.

My wife texts me asking how bad traffic is on the bridge, and I lie. I text back saying there is a wreck and traffic is crawled to a halt. The truth is I am three miles away, eating a cold gas station donut in the front seat of a 2017 Civic because it is the only place on earth where nobody needs ANYTHING from me.

At work I am managing ten guys and fielding frantic emails. At home I walk through the door and immediately switch into dad mode, doing bath time, cleaning dishes, and being an attentive partner. I love them, but by 6 PM my brain feels like raw static.

I should of just talked to my wife about needing personal space, but how do you tell the person you love that forty minutes in a dark parking lot feels more peaceful than your own living room?