Extremely agitated anxious and cant sleep

Was on 10mg for a couple months then reduced to 5mg because of side effects
My mood energy and motivations have been all over the place up and down even before reducing. Still my already bad memory is getting so much worse. I get good moments where i feel alot better but it doesnt last and I still dont leave the house. Psych gave me seroquel for prn after i had literally told him i was getting movement related side effects from my olanzapine i was resorting to take as prn because I had nothing else and he gives me another antipsychotic (he also said he doesnt want me to take olanzapine and says he doesnt think im psychotic). Also i havent really been completely honest with him as i havent known him for long, i think because i have too much anxiety socially when opening up. Ive been getting paranoid lately but havent told him.
Im not currently taking olanzapine and im not taking seroquel. I dont want antipsychotics because of side effects. I have to hold back from taking them because im so desperate. I do have clonidine but it makes my face all fuzzy and weird blood pressure.
Was taken of lorazepam months ago 1mg.
Doctors said they refuse to give me any benzos again. I was on lorazepam daily for nearly two years for catatonia from a psychotic episode.
I literally feel like im going crazy half the time
Other times im fine and im motivated to get on top of things and get healthy in my life but nothing that drastic really happens or changes or my physical symptoms get in the way. Then im emotional and crying or dissociated.
I am so socially anxious i cant face anyone without anxiety. I get all twitchy my eyes cant focus with eye contact my eyes twitch or flutter i feel like a freak when someone says hi to me.
Desperately want to be sedated always sick and anxious.
My sleep has been so bad lately for weeks also some nights i go to sleep at 4 or 6am
Or i don’t sleep one night then the next its different or irregular and its horrible.
Thinking maybe try a clonidine again tonight? I have nothing else