Honestly just ranting.

Honestly im tired its always been me helping everyone, always first to help but second to be helped, I find myself over analyzing every conversation, I'll be talking to my family and they'll just walk away as if I wasn't even there. Or look for any out of talking to me once it no longer helps them. Fuck i didn't even want this i always get told im the reason they never got to do or be what they wanted but its not like i asked to be adopted, how funny past up by two families and still not loved, But maybe thats the role I've been dealt with, I've Honestly lost the reason why I keep going. I don't have anyone or anything I see everyone else being happy but all I feel is emptiness like theres a hole so big nothing will be able to fill it. So I drink and get high just so I don't have to think about what I've done because at the end of the day if I've always been treat like this than maybe just maybe I am the problem.