Blogging in order to heal

I was diagnosed with CPTSD in mid-July. I didn't expect what happened next.

Following a fight with my wife, several triggers collided and brought back some harsh reminders of my first marriage to a narcissist and the affairs and betrayal I experienced there. The final trigger was a lie I caught my wife in. I reacted badly—yelling, making accusations, and saying things that were deeply hurtful.

Regardless of what was happening around me, I knew I was responsible for how I reacted. So I sought therapy.

Then, about three weeks ago, I started journaling about my trauma.

It was like opening a floodgate.

Thirty years of things I'd suppressed, avoided, minimized, or simply never understood started coming to the surface. I couldn't stop writing. About ten days ago, I decided to start turning some of that writing into a blog—not because I have everything figured out, but because I'm trying to understand myself, my trauma, my protective parts, and the patterns I've carried for years.

I've also started interviewing other trauma survivors and their significant others about their experiences and healing journeys. Yesterday, I published the first Survivor Stories interview for CPTSD Awareness Month, and I'm hoping to eventually turn these conversations into a podcast.

I'm sharing the journey here because I know I'm not the only person trying to make sense of what trauma has done to me.

If you're interested, here are the posts I've written so far:

🧠 Negative Self-Talk — The Manager Who Thought It Was Keeping Me Safe

Exploring the critical voice that constantly tells me I'm not good enough, and how I came to understand it as a protective part rather than simply "me."

http://internalchainofcommand.com/2026/09/01/negative-self-talk-as-a-manager-the-cruel-voice-that-thought-it-was-keeping-me-safe/

🎙️ Survivor Stories: Part 1 — Michael Conley

The first interview in a series exploring trauma, PTSD, relationships, and what healing actually looks like for survivors and the people who love them.

http://internalchainofcommand.com/2026/09/01/survivor-stories-part-1-michael-conley/

💔 Faithfulness, Infidelity, and the Damage Betrayal Leaves Behind

Looking at how betrayal can affect the way we see ourselves, relationships, trust, and safety long after the original wounds occurred.

http://internalchainofcommand.com/2026/08/30/faithfulness-infidelity-and-the-damage-betrayal-leaves-behind/

🧩 Meeting My Exiles — What My Protectors Have Been Guarding

My first deeper look at the vulnerable parts of myself that my protective parts have spent years trying to keep hidden.

http://internalchainofcommand.com/2026/08/29/meeting-my-exiles-what-my-protectors-have-been-guarding/

🍺 Alcohol — The Firefighter I Learned to Retire

Exploring alcohol through an IFS lens and recognizing how it became a coping mechanism for emotions and experiences I didn't know how to process.

https://internalchainofcommand.wordpress.com/2026/08/28/alcohol-the-firefighter-i-learned-to-retire/

📋 The Planner — How I Learned to Survive by Always Having a Plan

Looking at the part of me that constantly plans, anticipates problems, and tries to control uncertainty because being unprepared once felt dangerous.

https://internalchainofcommand.wordpress.com/2026/08/26/the-planner-how-i-learned-to-survive-by-always-having-a-plan/

🚩 When Warning Signs Become Your Story

Exploring how past betrayal and trauma can change the way we interpret warning signs—and how difficult it can be to separate present reality from past wounds.

http://internalchainofcommand.com/2026/08/24/when-warning-signs-become-your-story/

🧠 Who Am I? — Finding My Core Through IFS

My exploration of Internal Family Systems and the question I've been trying to answer: who am I underneath all of these protective parts?

https://internalchainofcommand.wordpress.com/2026/08/23/who-am-i-finding-my-core-through-ifs/

🪖 My Internal Chain of Command

Where the whole journey began: an introduction to the internal system I've spent years building to survive trauma, and why I'm finally trying to understand it.

https://internalchainofcommand.wordpress.com/2026/08/23/my-internal-chain-of-command/

I'm not writing this because I have the answers. I'm writing because I'm finally asking the questions.

If any of this resonates with you, I'd genuinely love to hear your perspective. I'm still learning, still unpacking, and still figuring out what healing looks like.