I think this is what may have caused my cptsd

Throughout my life, I have often found that people I became friends with would eventually distance themselves from me, and some would even become emotionally abusive or speak negatively about me behind my back.

My whole life, I have experienced people treating me poorly, particularly throughout my school years.

Girls rarely wanted to befriend me, and whenever I tried to connect with them, I was often bullied, excluded, or treated as though I did not exist. Most people would ignore me even when I was standing directly in front of them.

The boys were no better, and I experienced significant bullying from them as well.

I experienced bullying at almost every stage of my education, including nursery, primary school, secondary school, and college. It was not limited to one particular group of people. Numerous individuals targeted me, including people who barely knew me or had never spoken to me before.

For years, it felt as though wherever I went, I was surrounded by people who treated me badly or participated in the bullying.

Teachers were also aware of what was happening, but many failed to support me or intervene effectively.

The schools I attended knew that I would report incidents of bullying, yet the bullying often continued without meaningful action being taken. Even when students were reprimanded, their behaviour sometimes became worse afterwards, and I experienced further hostility and retaliation.
I remember teachers witnessing bullying and harassment happening directly in front of them. Despite seeing and hearing what was happening, some chose not to intervene.

They remained passive and allowed the behaviour to continue. This pattern occurred repeatedly throughout the different schools I attended.

I want to be honest about the extent of what I experienced. I was targeted by people of different ages, not only students in my own year group. Hundreds of students were in my year, and I felt that a significant number of them knew about me or participated in treating me badly.

Some students even knew my name despite the fact that I had never introduced myself to them.

I have never understood why so many people treated me this way when I had done nothing to provoke them and i’m not trying to persuade you into thinking i’m a victim. If i knew what i did wrong i’d admit it on here i have no idea why every single person treated me horribly especially people who never knew me and i truly, honestly didn’t do anything wrong to anyone. Otherwise i wouldn’t be making this post wondering why i deserves all of this.

Some of the experiences I endured included people running away from me when they saw me, throwing objects at me, calling me names, spreading hurtful and untrue things about me, and speaking negatively about me behind my back.

People would sometimes behave as though I did not exist, even when I was standing right beside them. Others would say hurtful things directly to me, speak badly about me to other people while I was present, humiliate me, spread false information about me, and make direct threats towards me.

There were many other incidents that I have experienced over the years.

Although those school years are now behind me, the impact of what happened has continued into my adulthood.

I experienced this pattern of bullying, rejection, abandonment, and mistreatment for around 15 years, from childhood through to teenager hood into adulthood, and it has had a lasting effect on me.

Unfortunately, I have continued to experience similar behaviour when trying to form friendships as an adult.

Someone may initially be kind, welcoming, and friendly towards me, only to become distant, cruel, or emotionally abusive several weeks or months later. This has happened repeatedly.

I have had many friendships where someone was very kind to me at the beginning, only for their behaviour to change later. When their treatment became abusive or harmful, I eventually had to cut contact with them to protect myself. Despite this, some of these people later attempted to return to my life.

One of the most confusing parts of this experience is that the people I have considered friends have often described me as loyal and kind.

Yet, despite recognising these qualities in me, many of them eventually treated me poorly or became emotionally abusive.

I have struggled to maintain close friendships in which I feel genuinely respected, valued, and treated with kindness.

After experiencing this pattern for so many years, it has been difficult for me to understand why it keeps happening and why so many relationships in my life have ended in rejection, abandonment, or mistreatment.

These experiences have had a profound and lasting impact on how I view friendships, relationships, and the way other people perceive me.