Im trying, but I am not able to like my MIL

I’m 29 and my husband is 30. We are from different states and different castes, although we are from the same religion. We have been doing long distance, have been very happy, in fact happiest in my life. After he completed his masters, he told his mother about me. She reacted very strongly. She cried, called him a cheater multiple times for keeping the relationship a secret and said many hurtful things to him. She said she could never imagine him doing things like this. He never told me everything about what happened behind the scenes or exactly how he convinced them, but it took around two weeks. Eventually, she came around. She was nice to me when we spoke. She was trying to accept all of this. Our families met and after about 4 months, we did our engagement, registered my marriage to start with my visa processing stuff, and he left abroad again.

I knew from the beginning that it might take her some time to accept me and I was okay with that. She would constantly make comments about how her son was 'so good before' and had changed only after getting into a relationship. The first thing that really upset me was the engagement saree. She and I had planned to go together and choose it. Just two days before we were supposed to go, she tells me she had already gone and bought my saree without telling me. She told me she bought and returned it once already, so she said she couldn't return it again as well. The saree was completely not my style, and I genuinely hated it. I told my husband how I felt and he went and spoke to his mother. There was some tension around it, but we I never really discussed it directly with her. In the end, I just wore the saree I didn't like for my engagement and moved on.

Another incident was during a video call with all of us together she started talking about a neighbour who had apparently married several men, divorced them, and was later found to be a fraud who had taken alimony from all of them. She then said something along the lines of, “I know you are not like that, but I couldn’t sleep thinking, what if you is also like that?”. Again I did not say anything.

She doesn’t usually say these things to me directly, but tells my husband instead. I work and live in blore, and whenever I visit my hometown, she complains that I don’t tell her when I’m going. She has also told him that whenever she calls me, I call her back only after two days. I always pick her calls, just once or twice I had called her back after two HOURS.

She has also done many genuinely nice things for me. We live in the same city but quite far apart, and she has come to see me, invited me home many times, cooked non veg food for me, and every time I leave, she packs a lot of food and other things for me to take back. But at the same time, while serving me food, she once told me, “When I think about you, I feel very angry, but when I see your face, I forget about it.” I do appreciate the good things she does, but I find it very difficult to like her, and I feel guilty about that because I genuinely want to focus on the good, yet the other things keep coming back to my mind and make me angry. I’ve almost convinced myself that I may never be able to genuinely like her, and I don’t know if that is unfair of me.