I worry about him constantly

Hi all

This is my first post here, but I’m a frequent lurker. I don’t have a lot of friends irl and I’ve noticed that everyone is quite nice and supportive here for the most part. I’m not even sure what I need but would appreciate anything anyone has to offer, advice, support, stories.

My boyfriend and I (both 24) have been dating for about two years. He is the kindest and most wonderful man I’ve ever met. He’s so supportive, sweet, and emotionally intelligent. He is everything I ever dreamed of as a kid. The prince in every one of my day dreams. I’m being a bit dramatic, but you get the point.

I’m utterly head over heels, which makes this whole situation even harder. He was diagnosed with epilepsy about 4 years ago. We knew each other at the time, but were just friends. He has seizures maybe once or twice a year and they’re always scary. I’ve only ever witnessed two, the first last year. The second one was today.

We were out shopping. We were laughing and joking because work wasn’t that bad and we were excited to go home and watch our show. It was such a good afternoon. Then the next thing I know he’s on the floor. Thankfully someone managed to grab his head as he fell so it didn’t hit the ground.

He’s okay now. He came out of his fugue state in about 30 minutes. The paramedics were very kind and we didn’t even have to go to the hospital since he was able to answer most of their questions.

I’m so happy he’s okay, but I can’t stop thinking about what could have happened if I wasn’t there. If there wasn’t someone who knew to turn him on his side or time the seizure. I’m even more terrified of what could happen if he has one while home alone. He could easily choke on his own spit. He nearly did today. I can’t get it out of my head. I thought he had stopped breathing at one point. His whole face was blue. I felt so powerless.

I know theres nothing I can really do. I can’t control when he has seizures, nor who he is with when he has them. And he hates being fussed over or treated differently, but understands how upset and worried I get about all of it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if there is anything I CAN do. Ig I’m hoping to get some advice on how to manage my anxiety surrounding it.

I want to be his rock. I want to support him with all I have and I don’t feel like I can do that effectively when I worry about him constantly. I’m in therapy, will probably discuss this with my therapist as well. I just wanted to talk to someone about it other than my therapist and grandma lol.