I can feel myself spiraling and dont know what to do.

I have 4 years clean from my drug of choice and just completed probation, when I got off I started partying a little an playin with snow when i went to shows and fests cause I told myself it wasn't the same thing so its ok, now its been 5 months and started with just a little everyone in a while and now ive been fucked up since Saturday and I keep telling myself im not going to do anymore and failing I dont know who to talk to I feel weird coming here but here we are... does anyone have any advice?