Considering posting my first anonymous fic

I've been writing for 10+ years atp, and haven't posted a single one of my works anonymously. No matter how embarrassing it feels or how nervous I get about any particular fic, I've made myself bite the bullet and post it normally.

Within the past year, I was recommended a very good book series that I've absolutely fallen in love with and started writing for. The main difference between this fandom and the others ive written for, however, is that under 100 fics exist for it. Total. Across every site I've checked. 59 on ao3, and less on ff.net, with most of them still being crossposted, nothing at all on tumblr, wattpad, etc. The community is small, and I've found a group of fans who consistently show up on each platform that has any type of content relating to these books.

Basically, it's the smallest fandom I've ever been a part of, and while I've really enjoyed getting to meet the handful of other fans I've been able to find, it does make me nervous to post a particular fic I've been writing for this fandom. Its porn without plot plus some dubcon, which in a larger fandom wouldn't give me pause. I'd know that most of the people who saw it wouldn't even think twice about it. They'd be strangers, or maybe people who might recognize my username if theyd read my other stuff, but I'd still just be words on a screen to them, and my fic would get buried within a month or two anyway, even if it didnt land well.

With this fandom, its the same five people who show up everywhere I go. I've had actual conversations with most of them. It's a completely different experience than im used to, and im terrified that my fic might land wrong with one or all of them and I'll lose people im beginning to consider friends, or at least friendly acquaintances. Ive never not owned up to having written a fic, and I know that when I publish my more palatable fics, the writing style will be similar enough that people would be able to tell I'm the author of the anonymous fic, but I'm considering it anyway. I do want to post it, both because its been very fun to write and because theres a stunning lack of smut for this series, but its uniquely terrifying when i know the majority of the people who will most likely see it, and i know that im writing something abnormal for the fandom.

Anyway, just needed to vent a bit on a platform where my username is different. It feels shameful to me, kind of, to consider posting a fic I've been pouring so much time and attention into without fully owning that i wrote it, but the fear of it going badly might be worse.